Feeling of Loss
by WishYouWereHere15
Summary: Tony tries to make peace with Ziva, but she won't move on. Will they ever be happy?


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What is NCIS to you?" I asked in a horse whisper, that is what not having water will do to you. It has been about 2 days, since I came into captivity, and 4 months since I have seen Gibbs, or anyone else on the team.

"You do not need to know that. What you do need to do, is tell me everything you know about NCIS." My captor demanded. He took his arm back, and swung his fist at my face for an extra effort. He does not scare me. He brings his face down to mine, as his breath come upon me. I am forced to hold my breath, for his mouth reeks of cigarettes, the smell almost made me cough… almost.

"The air conditioner is not very reliable. The vending machine has a fault." I say sarcastically. He does not seem to think it is a funny as I do, as he delivers another punch to my face. The blood running down my face, gives me some concern, but I ignore it.

"How about Leroy Jethro Gibbs?" He asked me again… He should know that I am not about to tell him anything. Stupid man. He walks away from me, and grabs his knife, that I have come to know.

"Leon Vance?" He questions yet again, twisting the knife in his hands. Now, I wish I could rat out Vance, but then I will probably be in some kind of trouble, but Vance has given me nothing but trouble since he has became director. Between behind deported to Israel, to being called back to America, then to get sent out to Israel yet again, I have not had a soft spot for him.

My captor brings the gun up to my hair, as he grips strands in-between his dirty hands. He starts cutting away locks and locks of my hair, and I pretend that I do not care. Deep down inside, I cry for my hair, I loved my hair.

"Anthony DiNozzo?" A shiver is sent up my spine, and I forget my Mossad training. My captor could sense my change in feelings. "What is he to you?" He asks again, taking a break from ruining my complexion. I do not know what to think about Tony. He is the selfish, play boy, unreliable person, which anyone would die to be with. I used to think very highly of him, and I still do, just not as much as before. I pretend that I hate him still, so he can tell me the truth about Michael. Yes, he did it for me, but I want him to tell me that he was jealous. That's all I need.

"GAMANDA. GET OUT HERE!" A man from outside the door yells. My captor, or Gamanda I should say, quickly punched me in the face one more time, before grabbing his gun, and running out the door. I shut my eyes, and try to get some much needed rest. I felt myself drowning into unconsciousness, and I try to wake up, but everything is all blurry. I try to stand up, out of my chair, but being tied to it proves difficult. My feet are numb as soon as I am standing in a sitting position, my legs give out, and I fall to the ground. All I can hear are gun shots, and I hope that my captors are dead, that would be really nice.

Soon, all the bangs are gone, and I here the door open. I see a man, coming up towards me, holstering his gun away. My vision is becoming blurry, and I feel like I am going to pass out, but I will not let myself do that. The strange man, bent down on his knees, and put his hands on my face. I immediately turn away from him, and try to fight. Then I hear him talk.

"Ziva, stay still. We got you." He calms me, and he turns me back around, carefully. _Tony_. I recognize the voice. He starts to put his arms around my back, and under my legs, as he lifts me in the air. My head droops, and everything starts to go back. I bury my head into his chest, so no one else can see me this weak.

"Tony." I whisper, before my world turns black.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Bright Light. Someone needs to shut that off._ I tell myself, as I begin to open my eyes. The bright white hospital room is not good for someone who has just woken up. My pupils seem to become less painful as the size to the light. I look around, and see Tony, sleeping in the chair, holding my hand. I smile a bit, before I pull my hand away.

'_You're mad at him Ziva! Remember that' _I have to keep telling myself this, or I will become addicted to the Tony pill. It is a very dangerous pill. I pet his hair, one last touch before I go back to hating him. He seems to wake up at my simple touch. I look straight back towards the television.

"Mornin' Ziva." He tells me, as he stretches his arms above his head. I looked at his stomach as his shirt lifted up, and saw random bruises all over his stomach. I look back up at his face, and notice a stitch right above his eyebrow. He seems to notice me staring and laughs.

"Bar fight." He answers my suspicions, and I stop caring.

"Why are you here?" I ask him coldly. I actually feel bad for him, but soon get over it as I need to move on from him. I see a look of hurt pass his face, and I wish I could take it away. If only he would tell me what I wanted to hear.

"I rescued you, and wanted to see if you're ok." He answers matter-of-factly. He is soon reminded that I am still not heating up towards him, and slumps back in the chair, moving it further away from my bed.

"Well, I am fine. So you can leave." He stands up, and begins to listen to what I am saying… for the first time. He walks up towards the door, and slams it shut, he turns back to me, and I wait for a rant.

"Are you really going to do this?" He asks me, as he runs his hands through his hair. He began pacing the room, as to calm himself.

"What am I doing?" I play the stupid game.

"Ziva, I saved your life. I risked my life, and came to Africa. I stormed that basement-thing, in search for you. Gibbs wasn't even there yet. I risk my life, and you give me a bunch of bull!" He complains to me, using his 'mad' tone of voice at me.

"Just like you did when you shot Michael." I inquire, and make the connection. I soon realize that he has done many things for me, which have helped me out. I just have not thanked him.

"You need to move on. Get on with your life. I DID!"

"You have moved on, but when I was stuck in that cell, THAT WAS ALL I COULD THINK OF!" I yell back at him, straining my voice, but hey, I am doing it for him.

"That's your excuse?" He laughs, as he looks up to the sky, and rolls his eyes. He comes back down towards my bed, and puts both of his hands on opposite sides of my bed. "All I could think about was you Ziva. You try to live through that, wondering if you're alive, waiting for that phone call. You try that, then tell me how it goes." He retaliates back at me. I immediately look down, knowing that it affects me in such a way. He stands up straight, and throws an envelope on my chest. "I bought that, thinking you would have moved on already." He tells me, as he storms out of my room.

I pick the envelope up, and quickly open it, wondering what is inside. I turn the envelope upside down and out falls a velvet blue box. I carefully open the box, and I drop it as soon as what I see inside.

The necklace is a long silver chair, and at the end, is a Star of David, illuminated by diamonds on the edges. In the middle of the Star, is a yellow topaz diamond, I recognize as my birthstone. I turn the necklace over, to find an encryption on the inside.

'Mai de solo- Sweet Cheeks' it read. I made the translation 'Never Alone- Sweet Cheeks'. The writing was Italian, and I knew that Tony had it especially made. I felt towards my neck, to find my original star missing. A pang of loss hit my chest hard, I did not notice the necklace is gone…

Or am I feeling that about Tony?


End file.
